Crappy Peanuts

Local Bar Has Crappy Peanuts
patrons evacuate to playground
(DP) 10.30.04

"God d(expletive) fu(expletive)in' sh(expletive)ty bar nuts, that's what did it. Put us over the top" said (anonymous) after she and two friends overtook a bartender and ran away with several bottles of booze to a local playground this Saturday. The group had become increasingly upset at the state of the cuisine and decided to take matters into their own hands. According to authorities the trio also raided the kitchen cabinets of a local parents house and then proceeded to get plowed a few yards from the jungle gym. (anonymous), a self taught chef, provided the group with crackers and peanut butter which was a welcome change.

At present authorities are unsure of what to do about the situation. "Well, they got a point. I mean you ever been there, those nuts really are crappy" said officer Friendly, a local deputy. Judge Jackem who is presiding over the case also strongly agreed with same sentiments. " Although there aren't any laws on the books that say I can, we might just shove those peanuts up the owners (expletive)".

The owner of the local bar is being held in custody until further investigations are concluded. Asked about a possible solution the owner replied "I could put out some popcorn ... maybe they'd give my liquor back and I can go home"


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